Jack
by xana4
Summary: Part I of my series "Needs".   For someone who doesn't need anyone, she needs him a little too much.  Read, review and vote on my poll


**Read before you start reading the story please. This chapter is part of a series called "Needs" that I just created. On my profile you will find a poll so you can tell me which one of the choices you would like to see featured next on this series. Callen and Kensi will be the pairing in the series but I will only continue with it if you vote and review. Each one-shot will be part of the series but can be read separately. **

**Enjoy the first one and tell me what you think about it.**

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**X**

_**Jack**_

She wakes up but doesn't dare to open her eyes right away.

Kensi is usually not the type of person who enjoys staying in bed all morning but things have been way too complicated lately. Jack is back and that should be something to be happy about, something that should be enough to get her out of bed every morning with a dazzling smile on her face.

However, the man he is right now is far from being the sweet caring loving man he used to be. Nowadays he doesn't wake her up with gentle kisses all over her face and doesn't even tell her he loves her anymore. Every single day she tries to get a glimpse of the man she loves but it's starting to get too hard to deal with this.

She can't say that the idea of leaving him hasn't crossed her mind but she would never be able to live with herself if she turned her back on him when she feels like he needs her the most. She needs to help him and the truth is that that's the only reason why she's still with him right now.

Sure, she loves him but not like she used to. It's been months since he last touched her, since he last smiled at her and since he last cuddled her to sleep at night. Now, she can't feel anything anymore. This situation is destroying her and Kensi knows she has become a robot.

She has no feelings towards anything anymore because feeling hurts too damn much.

Kensi sighs and finally opens her eyes.

The sun is bright but not even that can bring a smile to her face. She gets up and notices that the other side of the bed is empty, just like it has been for the past few months. Jack decided that it would be better for him to sleep on the spare bedroom.

She gets ready to go downstairs because she's not working today. It's Christmas morning and she's only due to come back to work on the third of January. The idea of having a few days to relax should be enough to put her in a good mood but it only further depresses her. At least while she's working she has other things besides her own problems to keep her mind occupied with. Now, it seems like the only thing she can think about during the entire day is Jack and how easy it would be to just end things.

She walks in the kitchen and frowns immediately. Jack is usually on his morning run when she gets up but there is always coffee ready for her. Today, there's no coffee and no sign of him ever being in the kitchen this morning. She goes to the front door and notices that it is still locked, just like she always leaves it during the night.

He's not downstairs so she goes upstairs to see if he's still in his bedroom. The bed looks like it no one slept in it and there's a small piece of paper on top of one of the pillows.

Kensi grabs it and breaks down in tears as soon as she reads it.

_I can't stay here. Move on, Kensi_

She lies down on his bed and tries as hard as she can to stop the tears running down her face but she can't. She doesn't know exactly whys he's crying. She wanted an exit from the relationship that was only good to consume all her strengths. Maybe she's crying from sheer relief because there is no way she is crying because she just lost the love of her life. She is sure that Jack is not the love of her life. The universe can't be that cruel. She lost his love but that was months ago. Therefore, the only reason why she can be crying is because she's finally free from what has caused her so much pain in the past few weeks.

And that thought alone is enough to make her cry harder because she feels like a horrible person for thinking like this.

X

It's almost midnight when her cell-phone rings and cuts through the silence in her living room.

She is curled on the couch, trying to find something that won't further depress her on the TV but it's on mute because the she doesn't really care about what's on. She's not crying anymore because Kensi Marie Blye is not the kind of girl who cries over someone who clearly doesn't deserve her tears. It's one of those things her though marine father taught her to make her as brave as she could possibly be. It's one of the good things about growing up a marine brat. She was always surrounded be people that made her become a tough independent woman.

She grabs her phone and allows a small tired smile to take over her features when she sees Callen's name flashing on the screen. She hasn't seen him for almost three months now because he has been on an undercover assignment since September. And she's sure it's close to a record for both of them. They're no used to spending so long without seeing each other.

Kensi is pretty sure that this assignment is almost over by now and that's a comforting thought because she needs him now more than ever. Renko is a good guy and she likes spending time with him but their connection doesn't measure up to the connection she has with Callen.

"Long time no see, Callen."

She hears his slightly tired laughter on the other end of the phone and her smile gets bigger. It's been a long time since she has heard his voice and she allows herself to admit that she missed it a lot more than what she was originally prepared to. And she was prepared to miss him a lot. She doesn't voice her thoughts but she's sure he already knows that, one way or another. He's always been able to read her better than any other person

"Merry Christmas, Kensi. I know it's kind of late to be calling but I just got home. The day was kind of crazy. It seems like drug-dealers are extra-busy around the holidays."

Kensi actually laughs this time, forgetting all about her crappy day and focusing on Callen instead. He always manages to bring out the best in her and she's really thankful that he's calling right now.

"Don't worry about it. You know I never go to bed at a decent hour. Merry Christmas to you too, Callen. How are you?"

He sighs and she turns off the TV. She no longer needs a distraction. This is comfortable, even though it would be much better to be able to talk to him face to face.

"Well, I've been better as I'm sure you can imagine. How are you?"

Kensi considers the possibility of telling him the truth about what happened today but she knows she can't. That would only worry him and Callen already has enough on his plate as it is. She knows that dealing with the kind of things he's been dealing with for the past few months while undercover is not exactly easy. He doesn't need to know about her problems too. She will tell him when he comes back. It's the kind of thing it's better said face to face, anyway.

"I miss you, Callen." And that's the truth because he's the one she can always talk to and she needs that right now. She needs him by her side right now. She needs to know that she's not the horrible person she feels like she is right now. She needs to know that there is still something worth holding onto her sanity for and he's always been good when it comes to give her hope. He hears that on her voice, she's sure of that because his next words reveal the worry he feels.

"How are things with Jack?" That does it for her. It's the worry in his voice combined with that sweet caring tone he always uses when he thinks she's not okay that make it extremely hard to stop the tears from coming once again. Why did he have to sound so caring? It only makes her wish he was here even more than before.

Kensi can't stop the tears anymore and Callen hears that along with her weak whisper. "He's gone, Callen." She doesn't say that she's happy he's gone. She already feels enough of a monster as it is.

"Kensi, when I said that I was home I meant it literally. Just stay calm and I'll be there in about ten minutes, okay?" They hang up and true to his word Callen knocks on her door exactly 8 minutes later. She lets herself fall onto his arms as soon as he's fully inside her house. She missed him so much that the thought of letting him go scares her beyond comprehension.

Callen hugs her as tightly as he can without actually hurting her and closes the door with his foot. He guides her to the couch without breaking their embrace and sits, making her sit sideways on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. He knows how much she needs this right now and doesn't ask her anything. He doesn't need to. The only thing he needs to do right now is make sure that she starts feeling a little bit better, even though Callen is well aware that this wound will take a while to fully heal.

She's not crying and he's glad because he can't handle a crying Kensi. Seeing her like this already hurts too damn much. She's usually a strong independent woman. It breaks his heart to see that someone caused this much damage upon his favorite agent. They stay in silence for a few seconds. Callen strokes her head and back with endless patience and soft caresses and Kensi allows herself to relax.

She knows she's safe with Callen. He wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her. That's who he is. She calls him her 'fixer' as a joke but it's actually the truth. He's always the one who fixes everything when it comes to her. No matter how bad she feels or how hard to deal with the situation is, Callen is always there to make it all better. He's always there to make everything alright.

Kensi eventually calms down enough to look him in the eye. And the worry she sees there, combined with how much she missed him and with her very crappy day make her throw all rational thoughts out of the window. She's never been one to put much thought into her actions, anyway. And most of the times it's her gut that ends up being her salvation.

She leans in and connects their lips without giving him time to react. His lips are war and soft against her slightly trembling ones. Her kiss is unsure because she's well aware that the wrong move can destroy their friendship and she doesn't want to be the one guilty for that. She would never survive with that guilt. It's only when he starts kissing her back and when she feels his hand on her waist tightening its grip that she allows herself to relax and enjoy the sensual dance his lips engage her in. When his tongue licks her bottom lip to ask for entrance she doesn't think twice and the thought that she's completely at his mercy should terrify her more than what it actually does. His tongue explores her mouth as if trying to memorize every inch of it and she can't help but moan.

That moan seems to wake him up from his daze and he pulls away from the kiss. He just looks at her and breaks the silence.

"Not like this, Kenz. Not after the day you just had." Kensi nods because the rational part of her knows that he's right. There will be time to continue this some other day. But that doesn't mean she has to let him go right now.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" Callen offers her a small smile and nods. Kensi gets up and grabs his hand, leading him upstairs to her bedroom. They fall on the bed and she cuddles to his side. She's never been much of a cuddle type of girl but with Callen it feels too good to ignore. Callen wraps one of his arms around her waist to pull her as close as possible and kisses her forehead.

"Good night, Kensi." She sighs and lets out a yawn. She only realized how sleepy she was when she cuddled to Callen's side.

"Good night, Callen." And this feels so comfortable that she's sure this is going to be a good night, indeed.

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**Review and vote, please! **

**Sarah**


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